Last year, my sister and I came across two big boxes in the attic packed full of the artwork we'd done as kids. Among the pictures of flowers, the Holy Family, and each other, I found the long-lost books I had written at the ages of 5 and 6. These books ranged from one end of my spectrum of interests to the other, including religion, science, poetry, day-to-day life, fiction, and absurd observational humor. I was always writing and illustrating; my dad would bring home enormous stacks of stripedy paper that the computers at work spit out, and my sister and I drew all over the blank sides.
I know I've told some of you about these books already, but this is the first time any of the original illustrations have been open to view. Today, in a special edition post, you can read two of them. After this, I'll only show one at a time.
So, without further ado, I give you The Holy Bible and The Rotten Potato Book.
The Holy Bible
JESUS CALMS ThE STORM
JESUS HAD BEN TEChING BY ThE SEA WENE ThEY HAD TECAT A LONG TIM JESUS SAID LET US GO TO ThE OThR SID oF ThE SEA AFTR A LONG TIM A StORM CAME PIACE BE STILL
[Jesus had been teaching by the sea. When they had taught a long time, Jesus said, "Let us go to the other side of the sea." After a long time, a storm came. "Peace. Be still."]
All my people had three fingers, until I was about ten. Then I realized that people generally have more than three fingers. Note that Jesus' lone disciple there doesn't look too fazed by the weather.
SACEUS WAS A tAx COLECTOR ONE DAY JESUS CAME SACEUS WAS TO SMAL TO SEE SO HE CLIMND IN A TREE JESUS CAME AND
This one's unfinished. Maybe I figured everyone knew what happened next. Also, Zaccheus is very obviously a gecko. How else could he stick to the side of a tree stump?
AFTR JESUS DEIAD ON thE CROS HE WAS BIRID IN A TOMB IN thRE DAYS HE ROSE ThAt WAS ThE FRIST ESTAR!
That guard on the left looks a little worried at the gigantic guy in orange long-johns hovering over a very small tomb and smiling menacingly. I think that the bumblebee suits were supposed to be lorica segmentata, hence the stripes.
ABRHAM AND LOT
ABRHAM WAS PAKING HE tooK HIS NEPHEW LOT WITh HIM THEY RODE CAMLS AWAY FROM HOME
I'm not sure why I drew a bactrian camel, as opposed to a dromedary. I love the implication that Abraham packed his nephew. And I didn't know camels could get dropsy.
JESUS ENTRS JURUSLUM
JESUS RODE A DONKY to thE TEMPL PEPLE WELCOMD JESUS AND ShOtED HOSANA
Not a donkey- a WILDEBEEST. Jesus very obviously rode a wildebeest into Jerusalem. Or maybe the wildebeest's name was Hosana, and the people of Jeruslum shot it. I can't say I blame them. But they welcomed Jesus, naturally. The worst thing is, if I tried to draw a donkey today, it'd still look like a wildebeest.
Now, in a slight departure from spirituality, I bring you the true story of:
ThE ROTIN POTATO BOOK
The cover of this one is a little faded, so I'll omit it.
VEGETABLS ROTE TO IN FACT TODAY MOM FOND ROTIN POTATOS IN ThE CLOSET
[Vegetables rot, too. In fact, today Mom found rotten potatoes in the closet.]
WhEN VEGIS ROtE thEY SMEL
ROTIN VEGIS CAN GET SMLYR AND SMELYR YOU WILL GET SICE FROM thE SMEL
SOMTIMS VEGIS CAN GROW MOLD
The last page is also too faded to show up well in a picture, but it proclaims emphatically,
ROTIN VEGIS STINK!
Have I changed much, my dears?